trust and obey

Everytime I try to blog about the transition we are in from Davis back to Fresno I type and delete...until tonight, I type and save and when I'm finished (if I finish) hopefully I publish instead of save for later.  For my own good and the glory of God I must keep typing.
    You see, we had a plan (Aaron and I) to move to Davis where it's comfy and safe and fun and beautiful.  Where there's great education and local produce.  Where people don't judge you by the clothes you are wearing--or in Owens case the lack there of.  For us it would be a fresh start and a gamble.  We love Davis, and I think we always will.  But our plans are not His plans and slowly our hearts transformed.  As I attended BSF and started studying Genesis, and the life of Abraham I slowly began to feel an absence of "blessing."  Not monetary or material blessings, but spiritual and foundational blessings.  If God wanted us in Davis (which he clearly allowed) then why weren't things feeling "blessed."  As I studied Abraham and how GREAT his faith in God was, I began to see what putting God first looked like, what it meant, and how to do it.  So...I guess this is more a story of how God has changed my heart through the life of Abraham, and how Aaron and i are choosing to respond.
    From September 16th to the beginning of November we started settling in and enjoying our surroundings.  If anyone asked we were loving life.  That was all very true, and nothing drastically changed to make us feel like we wanted to be anywhere else.  When I started talking to Aaron about missing out on the blessings God may have had for us if we stayed in Fresno we began to question our motives for moving.  Purely good motives... (read my notes on good vs. best).  From November to December little things became struggles, reality started to set in, and we started to feel unsettled in our decision.  Since I was finally staying home we figured we would have more time together as a couple...date night?  Yeah right!  Finding a Church was rough...until we found one that served cookies and hot chocolate after EVERY service...and Owen fell in love!  We just couldn't get connected, find a group, or commit to a marriage retreat.  Aaron was only able to attend once or twice a month due to commuting (which in and of itself was taking a toll on him).  We missed our biblically based teachings and convicting sermons from Brad.  We missed our life group (people we had connected with who we had fallen in love with and felt blessed to be part of).  We missed feeling God's purpose in our lives in that place.  Things just weren't "connecting."  I attended MOPS in hopes to find friends or people my age with kids.  My BSF class was out of town, my neighbors were 40+ with green thumbs and welcoming hearts, but just not connecting.  It was starting to feel like a near miss...so close, but not what felt right.   I had been diligently and persistently praying for months that I would feel God's blessing of our decision to move to Davis, but I never did.  As Aaron and I started praying for Gods clear guidance about our situation and feelings we started to feel peace. 
    Aaron and I cannot explain what happened in January...it was as if for the first time we could read each other's minds.  As we sat down to talk about how we were feeling about Davis we agreed that it was time to "go back 'HOME'." The question everyone else asked of us was "So, why did you move to Davis."  It started to take root in my heart...and the answer wasn't revealed to me consciously then...my answer was something like this:  We really like the area, what it has to offer kids, the community feel, and the safety.  We like the small town and friendliness of the people.  We have visited and not wanted to go home...so we figured we would try it out.  What would a year hurt?  I now see that God allowed us to Davis to bring us closer to Himself, to show us what really matters in life, and to help remind us who is ultimately in control.  I can now look back and say for myself that I subconsciously thought moving to Davis would save my son and keep him safe.  I ran out of fear, and I tried to take control of my life.  I realize now that Owen will be safe and healthy wherever God has us.  If I'm in His will everything will work out for His glory.  I am NOT in control and I do not know what my future holds, but I know the one who holds it and I am committed to obeying Him!  Davis was not a waste.  It was a place where God had to bring us to get us close to him, to bring us to our knees, and to open our eyes.  
    Sometimes it's so hard to hear God's voice, or know his plans...but I have found that when I put him first, seek Him daily, trust what He tells me and act on it quickly that I am in constant communion with him and that is the best place to be.  I have also been reading Jesus Calling as my daily devotional, and I must say God has been speaking to me through that as well.
    So in the end, I realize we didn't consult God about moving to Davis...we told him what we were doing.  He allowed it in order for us to see that His plans are always better, and when we go where he wants us to go we will be blessed.  The Hymn Owen always sings is Trust and Obey...and that's my theme for this year, as hard as it is for me I am determined to trust and obey God...For there's no other way to be happy in jesus than to trust and obey.

*I am so blessed beyond words to have been part of the Vacaville BSF this year.  I cannot express my eternal gratitude for all the women in my group who prayed for me, laughed with me, cried with me, and helped me on my journey.  God was my best friend in Davis, my confidant, my strength and my shield.  He is breaking my will down daily and replacing it with a quiet reminder that surrendering myself to his will is what's best.  I cannot imagine my relationship being this strong, and I have Davis to remind me of that.  He used my mistakes and my futile plans to strengthen and grow me.  God is amazing, and I am so grateful He chose me!

With ALL that being said we are moving back to Fresno/Clovis in July.  God has opened and closed doors where he's seen fit.  He has answered so many prayers (not always to my liking), and been faithful.  We are waiting for God to guide us into a home, and when we know we'll share.  

Some of the lecture notes that spoke directly to my heart this year:
Principles
Genesis 18-19:
  -Compromise with the world means a wasted life with God.
Genesis 20-21:
  -Incorrect thinking causes us to react in fear instead of faith.
  -God calls believers to give up their own plans and follow his plans.
Genesis 22-23:
  -Tests provide opportunities to reveal our faith.
  -God provides for those who trust him.
  -God BLESSES those who TRUST Him.
Genesis 24-25:
  -God gives clear guidance to those who prayerfully trust him!
  -God wants us to act on the guidance that He gives us.
  -The Holy Spirit guides us on life's journey.  (my note: where do I need to trust that God's provision is what's best for me?)



Notes
*  Where there's true faith there's the miracle of God working in us.
* God opens our eyes to see our current provision when we are worrying about the future.
*  Sometimes the "good" is the enemy to the "best"
*  Genesis 22:2 Abraham cultivated "listening for God."
*  Obeying God shows that you trust him
*  Because Abraham obeyed others were blessed...when I obey others are blessed.  The blessings are eternal.
*  Genesis 25:1-18 Abraham's legacy
     1.  Rich (not monetary)
     2.  Finished well
     3.  He was blessed as well as his family

If you made it to the end, congrats...
xoxo Aubrey