trust (again)

I can hardly believe it's been a month (4 weeks) since we have been back in Fresno.  Sometimes it felt as if June 30th (our move out) was never going to come!  But, as all things do, it came-and went.  As we currently reside with family and wait for God to guide us into a home we can't help but miss Davis.
    Wondering what lies ahead, how we will adjust to yet another home, finding our routine, and trying to collect ourselves consumes my brain.  Every day (or more like night) I pull out my Jesus Calling and my Bible and am reminded of the stillness and quietness and rest I find in Christ (even if only for an hour).  God is speaking to me, and Aaron, so clearly it is crazy.  I had to write today, because I just wish other people can see how real God is when we seek him.
    This morning at Church the Pastor was talking about God being "The Good Shepherd," and leaving his own flock to find sheep who have wandered away or keep choosing to roam from the herd.  He said that Shepherds used to search for the wandering sheep, break one of its ankles, and carry it over their shoulder...only as if to be saying "I'll do whatever I have to to keep you safely in my herd."  *Aaron looked at me with a look of ridiculous and sarcastic shock on his face and said "He broke my leg!"  Seriously, thank you God for breaking Aaron's leg...because the longer we would have stayed in Davis we may not have wanted to come back.  Oh my how intimate and real God is when we are attuned to Him and His will.
    Tonight, I started reading my Jesus Calling (which, by the way, has been such a blessing since my BSF ended for summer, I can't wait to start back up!).  It starts out like this..."Rest in my presence when you need refreshment.  Resting is not necessarily idleness, as people often perceive it."  I do feel as if I'm being idle in a home that's not my own, trying to figure out what His will is for me while I'm here waiting.  It continues to talk about Trust (the theme of my life this year).  "I want you to lean on, trust, and be confident in me...in quietness and trust shall be your strength."  Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  Isaiah 30:15 "...in repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength."  God is still, after what feel like "long enough" calling me to Trust in Him.  I wrote in my journal "Amazing that almost a year later, God, you are still trying to get me to trust you fully!  Why is it so hard for me?  Funny how i think I am fully surrendered to Him, and then he unveils my worries and I see that I am still holding on to stuff.  Silly me to believe I can change my circumstances or feel at peace when I am digging my heels in."  Trust and Obey.  Today Pastor Brad was also talking about obedience...obedience requires an action...which displays my trust.  Still trying to figure out what my "action" is now...through much prayer and seeking I know the answer will come, I just would like it to hurry up and get here! :)
    *P.S.
I have to say Aaron and I are so lucky to have amazing friends here!  Just when things get tough, and I sometimes start to "get in a funk" my life group ladies come to the rescue.  I am so blessed, so so blessed to be surrounded by women who love me when I'm me...and pray me through.  Sometimes I wish I could be a better woman, better wife, better mom.  Sometimes i just need to BE, and be still knowing the He is God...and that this life is not all there is.  I will never be perfect, but I have HOPE that one day perfection will come.  Like the song in Church today said "I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord."  I am learning, ever so often it feels like, that I have to look up to Him and not to myself to continue on.  Thank you Life Group for being what you're supposed to be!  Without a doubt the best!
Aubrey